Prior to moving to Sixfields, Northampton used to play at the County Ground; a stadium renowned for only having three stands. In homage to their former home, the design of Sixfields also incorporates just three completed stands. This is partly because four fully functioning stands weren’t actually required, as a large percentage of the home support had buggered off to support MK Dons instead.
Stevenage also have just three complete stands. The difference being that we’ll shortly have four stands as nobody’s done a bunk with the money. As far as we know.
Can you imagine living in a county where the main areas of population are Northampton, Kettering and Corby? That’s like waking up one day and realising that you’ve got a choice between living in one of Baghdad, Basra or Mosul. Or Borehamwood. No wonder Cobblers fans are so gobby.
That’s it. That’s our lot. There’s nothing further to say about Northampton Town, Northampton as a town, or the shoe making business in general. We’ve only got six more of these to go until the end of the season and this one has dredged the very bottom of the barrel of Carlsberg which, now we think of it, is brewed in Northampton. All we can say is, thanks. Thanks Northampton. Thanks Northampton Town. Thanks for having nothing interesting to say about you. Thanks for giving us probably the pissiest lager in the world. Thanks for distilling probably the pissiest lager in the world into Special Brew to make it easier for drunks to piss themselves in public. Thanks for giving us the ability to verbally abuse John-Joe O’Toole for 90 minutes whilst he bosses the midfield. Thanks for employing the most insipid manager in history who tweets about such things as how competent he is at making a batch of Yorkshire puddings (and he really does). Thanks for having a bunch of gobby teenagers wearing moody Stone Island as your fan base. Thanks for being one of the largest towns in the UK that nobody ever wants to go to. Thanks to whoever designed the route of the M1 motorway for bypassing the place. Thanks for giving us the Reverend Richard Coles and his earnest piano playing in the worst band of the 80s and his subsequent earnest commentaries on earnest subjects on all earnest TV and radio channels ending in the number 4. Thanks for giving us Faye Tozer out of Steps for if she hadn’t existed there would have been no Steps and what a tragedy that would have been (ha). But, most importantly, thanks for forcing Carlsberg into every bar in every football ground in the world in a bid to ensure fans have to watch shit fourth division football matches in a state of sobriety.