Hot on the heels of its attempts to sell season tickets at a knock down price for a stand that doesn’t exist, Stevenage Football Club has today taken further steps to alienate itself from its fanbase by offering a free ticket to a pre-season friendly with every season ticket sale.
“I was thinking of buying a full price season ticket for a stand that I was confident would be available for me to sit in come August” said supporter Harry Foxwell, 54, “but then I saw the club announce Coventry City as a pre-season friendly. I immediately cancelled my season ticket order on the basis that I might be tempted to go the friendly match instead of doing something more worthwhile with my life, such a rodding my drains. Or masturbating.”
A club spokesman said “We refute the allegation that we are showing a complete lack of imagination when it comes to our pre-season fixtures. Fourteen hundred away fans at £15 a pop is our primary consideration and has been since records began.”
However, an investigation by The Daily Stevenage has revealed that a sell-out away crowd is not guaranteed because, in the hour immediately after the announcement of the fixture, bookings at Swiss eauthaniasia clinics rose by 400%, nearly all of which were made from addresses within the Coventry postcode area.
The news of the forthcoming fixture was also met with dismay on Twitter. Stevenage supporter Jeff Wide (@CorpulentBorofan69) said “I haven’t been this disinterested in watching a game of football since the last time Darren Sarll was manager. It boils my piss.” Boro fan Dave Timpani (@BoroCombat18) said “This truly boils my piss. I’m not having my home town invaded by a bunch of Muslims. I’m not a racist but Brexit means Bexit.”
A Stevenage FC spokesman was forced to continue defending the club’s decision to host Coventry. “The sky blues are a massive draw. I remember when Coventry City were in the top division, winning the FA Cup. And I’m only 78.”