Cup Crash for Boro

  The Stevenage FC boardroom was last night in complete disarray following the shock defeat of the club at the very first hurdle of this season’s FA Cup.  One director, who doesn’t want to be quoted, was quoted as saying that this was the darkest day in the club’s recent history. 

Ted Croker

The bombshell arrived at approximately 7.18 pm on Monday evening when ball number 42 (Stevenage FC) was drawn at home against another numbered ball which, after some cross referencing by someone at the Football Association, turned out to be Gillingham FC. 

Chavs

Our source within the boardroom confirmed this to be the worst draw possible, offering neither excitement or even mild interest to anyone associated with either club. “Teddy Sheringham needs to take a good hard look at himself” he said. “He was employed to get us on a long and lucrative cup run and yet, at the moment of truth, he gets us knocked out in November.  I wouldn’t mind, but I can see us having to charge even less than we would for non-competitive pre-season trial matches just to get a few people through the gate.  You can’t rely on Gillingham to bring any fans as I understand there’s a big car boot sale in Chatham on that day.  If they could guarantee bringing 1,000 plus then we’d probably charge £25 and sell them a bucket load of half and half scarves, but we’ll end up charging a fiver”.

Plasticine

Mick Playdough, a 48 year old married father of two, was around a friend’s house during the draw. “I was around my mate Terry’s playing GTA on the PlayStation and having a bit of a smoke so I recorded the draw for later” he said. “I even managed to avoid knowing what ball we were.  Cos apparently that’s what people do now.”  The full dramatic realisation that Stevenage had been knocked out in the first round did not happen until Mick arrived home at 2 am, at which time some Stella got spilt on the carpet and a cat got kicked. “It’s all bollocks” said Mick, 48. “I was expecting Cup Fever. This is more like that dose of herpes I got in Magaluf.”

In other news, Sainsburys in Poplars has seen queues of people returning cardboard and tinfoil to the store.  Sainsburys has refused to comment other than to confirm that no extra staff were employed to deal with this. 

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