Stevenage v Morecambe – marks out of 10


Chris Day – hard to find fault with Stevenage’s greatest ever keeper, who has been in the finest of fettle since his return. Stood no chance with either of Ellison’s goals. However, the only keeper on the pitch not to save a penalty so it’s a 4.

Ronnie Henry – the site of Ron bombing down the wings had us all moist up in the posh seats, with more flamboyant crosses than a Vatican gift shop. 8.

Fraser Franks – the alliterative centre back just gets better and better. Taken off early to give Morecambe a chance. 8.5.

Dean Wells – if you cut Wellsy open he’d bleed blood. If he was a stick of rock and you cut him open it would read ‘Brentford’ down the middle. If he didn’t support Brentford it would probably say ‘Stevenage’. That’s what it means to our defensive maestro. 9.

Conor Ogilvie – fortunately for strawberry blonde Conor, the sunscreen wasn’t required and he was able to put in another fine performance at left back. 8.

Lee Cox – don’t know who he is, don’t know where he’s come from, don’t know how long we’ve got him for, but we like him. 7.5.

Michael Tonge – belied his 42 years by having the performance of his life. Brought to mind Riquelme at Villareal being lazily compared to Dan Marino of the Miami Dolphins. Marvellous. Isn’t it? 9.5.

Ben Kennedy – periodic flashes of brilliance, especially the way he not only won a penalty but took the resultant penalty. However, no excuses for missing the penalty or for perming his hair. FFS Ben, you’re not Neil Tennant out of the Pet Shop Boys. But you’ve got to love the way he grins at the crowd. Was he chewing Maoams during the match? Without a doubt. 8.

Chris Whelpdale – after losing four footballs to the dual carriageway, the chairman wasn’t best pleased to have to give another away to Whelps. Performance of the season? No, he missed a penalty. 6.5.

Tom Pett – you’ve got to love a trier. Pett tries every week to unshackle himself of the burden of having the worst song at the club. There’s a reason Ian Curtis killed himself. Any chance the East Terrace could sing something to the tune of Kinky Afro? 8.

Matt Jamille – on loan from Fleetwood Mac, there was enough to suggest that this lad can do a job. 8.

Mark Hughes – allowed a match that was petering out to turn from a dead rubber into a split condom, warming the hearts of the away support. For that alone, it’s an 8.

Charlie Lee – meh. 5.

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