Back in the day I was known as a bit of a player. I had a succession of relationships over a number of years and had a reputation as being technically gifted, if you get my drift.
Having grown tired of that lifestyle, I threw myself into life’s other pleasures not long after I hit my 40th birthday. However, aware of my ticking biological clock and its movement towards my half century, I decided to settle down.
To cut a very long story short, I plunged headlong into a new relationship last summer. This time I was looking for commitment and a mutual love and respect. I was no longer looking for the quick knee-trembler behind the Co-op I was known for in my youth.
Now, you wouldn’t exactly call my new partner ugly, but she wasn’t exactly attractive. I’d had better. I suppose you could call her a bit of a chav, but then again I did once have it off with Katie Price. Nevertheless, she had potential and I was happy with my lot.
Imagine my surprise when she started to accuse me of being inexperienced and lacking in personality. In my defence, it’s tricky to be exciting and imaginative when she insists on taking you to such God forsaken places as Yeovil and Mansfield for a damp and dirty weekend. I would even take my mate Kevin along for moral support and encouragement. She thought Kevin was weird.
Then, last week, she ditched me. I reminded her that I’d had much better in the past and that she should be flattered I decided to screw her, but I’m afraid there’s no going back. Especially when she accused me of not being able to last for a full 90 minutes. What did she expect? The last thing I’m taking is little blue tablets.
She accepted that I was very unlucky. Perhaps I wouldn’t have been if I had a bit more money to show her a real good time, but I feel that the real issue was that she hadn’t got over her previous partner who wouldn’t stop going back to her.
I want to start another relationship as soon as possible but, Deidre, how do I get over this set-back? I also think I might have caught a dose.
Edward, 49, London.
Edward, darling, may I suggest that you begin by setting your sights even lower. Once you’re back on the horse, so to speak, your confidence will flourish. Aim for straight-forward missionary to start with but don’t be scared to experiment with more advanced positions. You’ll soon find that you’ll have mutual satisfaction. Oh, and ditch Kevin. He does sound weird. Nobody likes a three way. Actually, they might do, but it usually always involved two women.
And I’m sure the rash will clear up given time.