In Praise of the CheckATrade Trophy

Howard Devoto and Pete Shelley. Peter Hook and Bernard Sumner. Mark E Smith. Steven Morrissey. All names that will be familiar to readers of a certain age, as well as to Liam Govey. So what’s the link? Well they were all allegedly in an audience of two dozen that witnessed The Sex Pistols play the Lesser Free Trade Hall in Manchester in 1976, and they all were thus inspired to form bands of their own. 

The Daily Stevenage predicts that a large percentage of the crowd at Tuesday night’s CheckATrade Trophy match between Stevenage and Southend Utd will be similarly inspired. Out of a total attendance of 209, we estimate that as many as 70 supporters will go on to pursue a career in football bureaucracy. 

Harry Gustav-Klimt, a 19 year old student, told us “When I finish my degree in applied astrophysics, I want to be a faceless pen-pusher, just like Shaun Harvey. Before the CheckATrade Trophy match I would have probably become an astrophysicist. I don’t even know what one of them does. But now I want to save the future of the England national team by coming up with increasingly bonkers schemes and cup competitions.”

12 year old Sally Duckworth-Lewis told The Daily Stevenage that she was planning to redecorate her bedroom with official English Football League wallpaper and put up posters of Mr Harvey. “He’s my hero. I want to be him, or Sepp Blatter, when I’m older. What Shaun has done for the England football team is indescribable. He deserves a medal.”

Hugo Wall-Eye, 37, told us that the  CheckATrade Trophy match had made him re-evaluate his career. “I’m a little fed up of being a commodity broker in the City,” said Hugo. “I want a desk job at the EFL. Or, if that’s not possible, maybe I could become an environmental health officer at the council. It’s the faceless bureaucracy that appeals.”

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