Match report – Stevenage 2 Norwich City 2


By our crime correspondent: Juliet Bravo. 

The action started in earnest with a dinner party. Whilst his wife made a Grand Marnier soufflé, Edmunds disappeared to the cellar to get a cheeky bottle of the 1945 Chateau Dusquesne. 

The action subsequently shifted to an armed blag on a bookmakers before, somewhat confusingly, returning to the dinner party where the bottle of white was produced to admiring guests. 

The next thing you know, Mrs Edmunds is giving Jack Regan the name of the armed blagger in exchange for a bit of the other. Seems the opposite sex find Jack somewhat irresistible in the sack. The name she gives is none other than her husband, who’s done a bit of porridge in his time. The reason your correspondent was confused was because Edmunds had a wig and false moustache on when taking off with the bookie’s takings. 

The Flying Squad go on the attack and storm Edmunds’s drum. The only problem is, the fella has an alibi for when the robbery took place (the dinner party, if you’ve forgotten). But with a three man offensive line in Regan, Carter and Haskins, the cozzers are soon putting Edmunds on the back foot. The only problem; how to prove he did the crime in the time it took his missus to make a posh omelette. 

To cut a long story short, Edmunds went on a motorbike. But they couldn’t pin it on him cos the old bird who took a whack during the blag, spilling some claret, decided to croak it. She was the only eye witness you see, so they had to let Edmunds go. 

The match ended with Regan giving Mrs E the hairdryer treatment for using the old bill to try to get her old man put away. Just cos she was bored with him. 

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